I might repent posting this later!..

the sole reason that i am going to post something that private is because..i want remember this..remember everything said and done by my dad so well that it remains etched in my mind forever! the hate and confusion is forming to much of a jumble in my thoughts for me to think...or talk...and therefore i am going to write! and i know i have a bad memory..so it'll do me good to post this so that 3 yrs down the line when i am in some B-school and wondering what the fuck ever made me come here i can just read this..
now that i have made it clear as to why i am writing this i hope i don't kill myself for it the next time i read it!

today my dad hit me...slapped me twice and hit me on the head once...and i am in second year! i can't believe how much more it hurts writing this and accepting it to the world than what it hurt like when i was being hit!!
---
he told me that i will never do anything in my life..
---
i am incapable of taking decisions for myself and will end up as confused as i am right now, 3 yrs down the line when i complete my B.Sc. agriculture degree!
---
psychology is not actually my passion...its just something i like and have over fantasised about!
---
i should quit dreaming so much and come back to the real world..
---
if i decide to do psychoanalysis i must know that i have no mental support from him whatsoever because he does not approve of my choice..i am making my career go to the dogs!
---
i am too much of a spoilt brat to ever enter and survive a field in which i can't earn.
---
he says that i won't even like psychoanalysis once i get into it...and then i'll want to run away..but i won't be able to coz i'll be too ashamed to.
---
my mum thinks psychology is not really a field!

so much for a family..one thing i am thankful for is my sister..who came into the room after the whole thing got over..looked at me and said..you don't wanna talk about it right now na? I TRULY LOVE HER!

anyway...in short i cried buckets full today!...contemplated running away from home for a whole fifteen minutes...and killing myself for about two! but now, weirdly..and thankfully..i am not depressed! it has made me realise that many of the things that my dad said today are some of my deepest fears unknown to everyone! it has caused me to THINK...it has made me ten times more passionate about my dream and what i really want to do! and i am not going to let other people control my life for long! i will score excellently in the CAT...and do MBA..get money..and pursue my dream..alone for all i care! some people can never be changed or even talked to..and i must not try! its just another sad fact of my life that my dad has to be one of those people! but thats all that it will remain as..a sad fact..which will slowly rot and decay and stop affecting me completely someday!

i have to prove myself to my dad who doesn't believe in me...and to myself who truly loves me!

P.S. i might be able to forgive my dad someday but i don't think i'll ever forget! i don't wish him bad..but i really do wish he realises and repents like hell..all that he did to not only me but to many other people!

P.P.S.- thank you dad..