i don't know why i always require some kinda inspiration to start..and to finish something!!
its sad really! is it just me being plain fucking L.A.Z.Y. or is there more to it!!
i get bored easily of things..and i read somewhere..i don't remember where..that a person who gets bored easily is basically bored with themselves! and i don't want that! don't wanna accept that! is it really soo difficult? do i always have to have people behind me to make me do things? do i have to wait for the deadline to be staring right in my face to start working? do i need my fucking ass to be on fire before i realise that something is more important than me lazying around and watching TV?!!!
and its not really like i don't accept it! i wouldn't be writing this out here if i hadn't!
but i just don't know! i have absolutely lost track of the number of times that i have had this conversation with myself!! the same things over and over again!! i am SOOOO sick..and TIRED of myself because my stupid thick fat head can't seem to grasp the idea that its time..its fucking beyond time...that i really need to start getting serious about what i wanna do!!
just getting lucky doesn't work always!!
and it pricks me the most when it comes to studies and career!! GAWWWDDD!! enough already woman! i am just so high about the fact that i have good brains that i feel like i don't need hard work!
sometimes i really wish i had it more difficult!! time and again it just comes easy! so that i don't NEED to do anything more seriously! i study right before the exam and end score almost equal to a person who has put in a whole month of their effort! its nice to tell yourself that wow..girl you are smart! and it feels good to know that it gives you time to go and have fun in all that extra time!
but its NOT nice..when you see that there are those people still there who you can so easily do better than with just a little more effort from your end! i mean you have the brains!! is it so difficult for you to get that ass of yours working!?!?!!??
i do this EVERY taaaiimeeee! every fucking time! i tell myself..no..this time its going to be different! from tomorrow you are gonna start working out...look great...get a part time job..some work experience...have fun and at the same time SLOG!
thats why i can't even repeat that dialogue (monologue actually) now anymore!! it would be so hypocritical of me!
but really i just want to stop being lazzzyy now! get my life under control! i wanna get busy..busy and being happy cause i am doing something!! not wasting my time on unproductive things...like facebook or something!!
and i am writing all this so i can read it everyday and feel guilty if i am not doing these things!!
P.S.- seriously this time SHOULD be...HAS to be..different!
go and get your jogging shoes out for tomorrow..nowww..GOOO!!
wish me luck! :|